26F001.htm

[Ed. Note: Unfortunately we shall continue for some or all of this New Year to be in a relationship with government, so here's a reminder of the rules that will apply. Sadly the list is far from complete; these are just the small tip of a very large iceberg.

Mr Mous is a guest author, but where to find him I don't know. Rumor places him in Louisiana and/or Texas, but nobody seems sure. Some say he's descended from George Orwell. These rules are universal, so you're free to copy them to everyone you know.]

Here are your rules for living. They nearly all apply in every country.

You will not make money without telling me.

If you trade, you can only do so with my permission.

You will not own anything I don’t approve of, or I’ll lock you in a cage.

You will pay me a large percentage of your income, or get locked in a cage.

I will take your money as I see fit and spend it as I want. My friends will get a cut.

You will not leave my property without my permission.

If you attempt to leave my property after getting my permission, I will grope you while bystanders watch before I decide if I’ll allow you to go.

If you want friends to come over from another place, they must get my permission first. If they are someone I don’t approve of, I may put them in the cage or send them back home without letting them see you.

You will let me listen to your phone calls, texts, emails, and other communications. You will let me bug your computer and watch you and listen to you through its camera and microphone, even if you’re not using it.

I will monitor your every movement by tracking your cell phone.

I will ask you to publicly show your approval of me from time to time. If you don’t, my friends will visit you at home and confront you in public, demanding you make this show of loyalty. If you don’t do so to my satisfaction, I may put you in the cage.

If you try to defend yourself from my henchmen, they will kill you - or put you in the cage if you survive.

If you resist being locked in the cage, I will kill you.

I will change these rules in my favor whenever I feel like it, and there’s nothing you can do but beg me not to.

If you complain about any of the above, it’s a sign you don’t love me, and I may lock you in the cage to teach you to respect me.

[Signed and sealed:]

Your loving companion and government.